When is it time to let go?

After three strikes you're usually out but when it comes to my relationships I never applied that option to a certain individual. From day one I wanted him. Knowing he was already in a relationship, I tried to keep my feelings at a level so it won't blow up in my face.....yeah right! Hearing "you have to choose between one of us" made me sound ridiculous. All I was doing was making everything worse or in his words "you're pressuring me and pressure busts pipes!".....well to make a long story short I was the chosen one. At least that's what I thought. Over the years we have been together off and on, up and down, round and round. One thing always remained the same was my love for him - it never changed. When I first broke up with him for not knowing where our relationship was going as far as a "future" I regretted it. I had a substitute lover which wasn't going to work. I almost married someone else for all the wrong reasons. Nevertheless, I still was trying to move on. But why is it when we try our hardest to leave the past in the past and not think about a person all of the sudden you get the strange text message from that person? That's when everything starts all over again. We started contacting one another. Maybe i should have just changed my number. So now I'm cheating on the new one with the old one and it all turns into a sticky situation. I'm laying with the new one thinking of the old one which I'm sure everyone can relate to but I couldn't control it. I cried myself to sleep while laying next to someone who wanted to give me the world, but I didn't want it from him and that sucked. So I say to myself my ex isn't ready for a family but this new guy is so should I just stay and say fuck it?? If you can't be with the one you love, love the one your with? Hell no! Whoever made the statement up must have died miserable because I refuse to be that person. A few months later I did get back with my ex and then a year later broke up AGAIN and what did I do - went right back to the one who did want a future with me. Ok at this point I am really playing myself because I'm a damn yo-yo and no one is going to take me seriously right? So let's just fast forward a few years later and yes I hate to admit I am still in love with the selfish and (at times) secretive one. I cannot trust this person for shit. I found out every time I ended our relationship he went back to same ex that was dumped for me! Go figure. I also would find so many other numbers in his phone (yes I'm a snoop - its a Scorpio thing) and read inappropriate text messages and then when I start to ask questions I hear stupid excuses only someone in special ed would believe...(no disrespect to the short bus). What kills me is he and I have such a strong connection to each other that there is no way we can deny it. But that adds up to nothing if you don't have trust. I'm in love I don't have to deny that. All my friends know this but would they tell me to escape before it's too late? No! Because it is too damn late! I'm in so deep I'm drowning. Do I like to feel like this? No I don't but I don't want to be without him. Its like a love spell has been casted. Through the fights, the pain, the worry and jealousy there were the laughs, pleasure and love. I'll admit I wasn't an angel either and when I wasn't getting love I would reach out and touch someone(else). Every year I would tell myself "I will not start my new year like this" and of course I do. I just feel like there is no one else for me. Call me pathetic I guess? What do you think?

- Ms. Hollywood