Ten Guys I Don't Want to Date

Ms. Hollywood and I were discussing our past relationships and all of them (whether good or bad) have taught us valuable lessons. Because of them, I now know what types of guys I DO NOT want to date. Ms. Hollywood suggested I share it. Enjoy!

1. The Slacker - you know those guys who have no ambition or goals in life. Now I'm not trying to knock anyone's hustle because if you are selling bootleg DVDs on the side to help you get out of debt, save money, or have a little extra on the side, baby do you. But don’t expect me to introduce you to my parents if you plan to spend the rest of your life on the corner saying, "I got that new Will Smith!!"

2. The Shady Politician - these men talk a good game. Their campaign is tight. They say and do all the right things to get your vote. But as soon as they're elected, they fail to deliver. These men are sometimes hard to notice at first but if they get into office and turns out to be "George H.W. Bush" who told you to read his lips: no new taxes; he will not be re-elected, better yet his ass will be impeached!!

3. Secret Agent Man - this is the guy who is so private and secretive you can't help but think he is hiding something. Now I don't expect him to tell you every detail of every minute of his day but geesh, let me in a little. You know when you call him on the phone and ask him what he's up to and he responds, "I'm at where I'm at. I’m doing what I'm doing!" Or his MySpace page is private and he continues to deny your friend request! LOL! We can be friends but your 007 ways will drive me to insanity!

4. The Smother Brother (or what Ms. Hollywood calls a Bugaboo) - everyone has had one of these. You go out on a date and when you get home, he is already calling you and has sent you a couple of text messages. He constantly wants to see you and is always up under you. Respect my space please. Now some may think this is cute but this is borderline stalker status. He needs to get a hobby and kick rocks ASAP!!!

5. Sir Brag A Lot (Mr. Me Too) - I don’t care about what you have or how great you claim to be. I am not impressed that you know D list celebrities or how many girls would die to be in my spot. Confidence is always a great look and adds to a man’s swag but being cocky is such a huge turn-off. I once dated a guy who thought I was going to be impressed that he was on the cover of a brochure selling uniforms. Ummm, sweetie, you thought wrong.

6. The Green Monster - this is the jealous guy - just green with envy. He's the one who doesn't want you having male friends, doesn’t want you wearing revealing clothing, wants you to check in every ten minutes when you go out with your girls, gets mad when you say Boris Kodjoe is good looking and has more insecurities than you can count. This leads to numerous arguments and stress you don’t need. Before you know it, he becomes "Crazy/Deranged" and follows you in the club with pajamas and slippers on!

7. Mamas Boys - now this is a Catch 22 because we all want a man who honors, loves and respects his mother. But we don’t her all in our business. (Cue in K-Solo) All I’m seeing right now is Charlotte’s overbearing mother-in-law on Sex and the City. She had a say in everything from the bed they slept in to the child they were thinking about adopting. Remember the episode where Charlotte walked in on her husband taking a bath while the mother sat next to him. NOT COOL!! Time to cut that umbilical cord and may I suggest some professional help for that Oedipus complex.

8. Waldo Faldo - Remember Eddie Winslow’s friend on Family Matters. The dumb as rocks idiot dimwit. Let me be fair and say I don’t expect a rocket scientist or someone with a ridiculous IQ for a potential mate, but I expect you to at least be able hold a conversation or count past ten. When I was 21, I met a guy at a carnival who was the same age. He asked what I did for a living. I told him I was a bookkeeper. He then asked me what bookstore I worked at. Granted we were both still wet behind the ears at a tender age of 21 but come on. Bookstore??

9. Sperm Donors - I don’t think any explanation is needed for this one, but I will break it down anyway. These guys have twelve kids and seven baby mamas. They got that super sperm. You only have to kiss the dude and end up pregnant. I don’t mind dating a man with kids but think about it. If a man has a couple of kids from a couple of different women, how and when is he going to find the time to work, spend time with his children and have time for you. Sorry, but I do not want to be baby mama number eight.

10. The “Bout-to” Dudes - What IS a “bout-to” dude? These are the guys who are always “bout-to” make moves but well you know the rest. He’s living in his mama’s basement but is “bout-to” close on a condo. He refuses to work because he’s “bout-to” get a record deal (that’s been in the works for the last five years). Or worse, he’s currently married but “bout-to” get divorced.

Now I don't consider myself picky others may think I am. I just know what causes me stress and at this juncture in my life, I'd rather be stress free!

BESOS,


SoChic