Sideline Ho

“Ain't you tired of being on the side line
tired of getting yours after I get mines baby second
place don't get a prize when you gonna
realize that your wasting your time.....
Ain't you tired of spending all the holidays alone
tired of being his little sideline ho” – Sideline Ho by Monica

In the latest issue of Essence, there is a write up on why men cheat. The article features different perspectives on cheating from all types of people including a cheating husband, a daughter of a cheater and the other woman or what I (and R&B singer Monica) like to call them "sideline hos". The other woman’s angle was just so crazy. She cites, "I know what I'm doing is messed up, and part of it is the thrill of getting a man to do something he is sworn not to do" The thrill??? Couldn’t she go to an amusement park and ride a roller coaster for that quick rush? How can you get a thrill with leftovers? How can you get a thrill knowing there are lives you could be potentially damaging?

I can’t totally bash her because many years ago I was the "sideline ho". This guy wasn’t married (not that it makes it better), but he lived with his girlfriend. He told me that it was his apartment but she took it upon herself to just move in. He said they were having "problems" because she couldn’t have kids and they slept in separate rooms. He also said she made him miserable and he was not happy. Mr. Miserable was eleven years my senior so I was young and naïve and ate up everything he fed me. As much as I loved him, I hated him. I hated the fact that he kept telling me he was leaving her and we would be together. I hated that I didn't get the daytime visits but the late night creeps. I didn’t get the holidays but the day after. I could only call him certain hours of the day and since we lived so near to each other PDAs were off limits. The last straw was when I called him and didn't want to wait for a certain hour to see him. I demanded his time right then and there and if he wasn't going to give it to me, I was going to go up to their apartment and tell her EVERYTHING. I was too chicken to follow through. The next day when I spoke to him, he said he stayed in front of his building damn near half the night anticipating my so-called threat. I knew at that moment he was never going to leave her. If he didn't have a relationship with her and if he was miserable with her and I made him “sooo” happy why would he be so afraid to tell her they're done and he met someone new? Why would he protect her to keep her happy but make me miserable? I had to end it. A couple of years later, I bumped into Mr. Miserable and he told me he married the girlfriend and had adopted a son but they were separated and he was now living with another woman. You know he wanted to give us another chance. HA! Needless to say, I shut him down. I lied to him told him I was happily married and said no thanks.

I'm a strong believer in karma and not so long ago I got a call from my then boyfriend’s sideline ho. She told she knew all about me and how he told her how miserable I made him and he was going to leave me for her. (I will save that story for another day and another post) Yeah, it sounded VERY familiar. Even though I never had the audacity to make that phone call that this chick obviously had, I can only imagine the hurt and betrayal Mrs. Miserable would have felt because that's what I felt. Although the woman in Essence and I have different angles, we were very much the same. We both were selfish. We only cared about ourselves and didn’t think twice about how the main woman would feel if she found out. I was only concerned with my happiness as I’m sure that’s exactly how the other woman in Essence feels. I don’t care what kind of thrill you get from being the other woman nothing feels good about playing second fiddle. Take it from me; if he tells you he is going to leave, he’s not. You will forever be the “sideline ho”.

-Ms. SoChic